Fuckable, Not Dateable

by Kyra Gilchrist

But have you ever
had a guy tell you
that you’d greatly benefit from squats
as he shoots his load
across your back?

They told me
having sex while fat
was empowerment.
They said:
“He’s a grown ass man,
he’ll find a way to breathe.”

So I rode his face
until he begged for mercy.

What they didn’t say
was I’d be
staring in the mirror
afterwards,
wondering which “curves”
he found offensive and,
I would beg for mercy
from self-hatred
as it rode the lines of
my stretch marks.

They didn’t say that
rebelling against
male entitlement
was a revolution
men could opt out on
and as a result,
I would become
the target of an
unskilled artist
looking for something
smooth to sculpt
into the optimal
fuck.

They didn’t say
I would martyr
my confidence 
with the chisel 
from the carvings
of my own anthem
as I whispered
over and over to myself
with each and every thrust:
“Big girls can fuck too.
Big girls can fuck too.
Big girls can fuck too.”

Beholder Magazine 2020